Section: Funny Life Quotes

“A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.”

“I put my phone in airplane mode, but it’s not flying.”

“Behind every successful man is a surprised mother-in-law.” by Hubert H. Humphrey

“Don’t give up on your dreams. Keep sleeping.”

“Don’t grow up, it’s a trap.”

“I always take life with a grain of salt. Plus, a slice of lime and a shot of tequila.”

“I don’t need a hair stylist, my pillow gives me a new style every morning.”

“I intend to live forever. So far, so good.” by Steven Wright

“I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes. She hugged me.”

“I used to think I was indecisive, but now I’m not too sure.”

“I’m in shape. Round is a shape.”

“I’m multitasking: I can listen, ignore, and forget all at the same time.”