Topic: Life

“I intend to live forever. So far, so good.” by Steven Wright

“I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes. She hugged me.”

“I used to think I was indecisive, but now I’m not too sure.”

“I’m in shape. Round is a shape.”

“I’m multitasking: I can listen, ignore, and forget all at the same time.”

“I’m not clumsy, the floor just hates me, the tables and chairs are bullies, and the walls get in my way.”

“I’m not great at advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?” by Chandler Bing (Friends)

“If life doesn’t give you chocolate, make it yourself.”

“If life gives you melons, you might be dyslexic.”

“If stress burned calories, I’d be a supermodel.”

“If you think you’re too small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito.” by Dalai Lama

“Life’s too short to fold fitted sheets.”